A Little Self Care...

Breath hangs in the air,

and Life hangs in the balance.

Choose your adventure!

This is a post that I have been reluctant to write...for many reasons.

I don't remember deciding to be this reserved and stressed out, overweight and under adventured person I have become...

It isn't easy being vulnerable.
Stories and appearances can be more interesting than the truth.
I don't like to make decisions and fail - especially with such an important decision.
Most days I let life happen to me and go along with things - forgetting my goals and choices.

So here it is. I know now that I am gluten intolerant and can only have minimal amounts of dairy. The pain that both of them cause isn't worth it. It truly isn't. However, balancing this new way of eating - I have found that it's still super easy to eat crappy food that isn't good for me. Also - ridiculous amounts of stress just make stress eating worse.

Potato chips. Enough said. Enough eaten.

My decision - beginning October 1st - is to care for myself first. Before family, friends or work, I am going to start taking care of me. I know what to do, I've been reading and studying some of this for months (even years).

It's a very simple plan. If it isn't good for me, I'm done with it.

I'm starting simple with just adding in 1/2 hour of walking every day that I can, a time of sitting still every day in meditation, cutting out anything that is packaged or processed, and cutting back on that afternoon coffee. Simple, right?  Eat less and move more sounds easy, but there are so many factors involved with retraining our minds and habits.

A pretty miraculous thing happened with this gluten-free living - the pain of the Fibromyalgia has been much less, I can think clearly and the pain in my legs and feet (that kept me out of work last year and in physical therapy) is almost gone. A small amount of self care has taken care of a huge roadblock of the past. I'm interested in seeing what other roadblocks can be eliminated...

So I will try to sleep a little more (and probably better with less caffeine), and the weight loss that has started with eating gluten-free has given me encouragement to continue on. Now it is time to move more and continue strengthening!

Yesterday, I walked at least 5 (long) miles in a walk to raise money for cancer research and it was so much fun!  I would love to do more things like this. Let's just be honest - there was no "speed" in the walking I did yesterday. However, it was awesome!  It pushed me beyond what I thought I could do and to this decision to make changes.

My sister Kim, Me, my sister Amber, and niece Lilly <3

The reason I took the Permaculture course and got my certificate was because of how many people around me are food insecure and the need for sustainable food.

1 in 3 children in Worcester don't know where their next meal will come from.
A humbling realization when I think about how much extra I have consumed personally.

I would like to live in a way that honors the knowledge that I have about nutrition and living well.
I would like to live in a way that I consume only what is necessary. Food or otherwise.
I would like to create a sustainable life where I am. Food, energy, clothing, etc.
I would like to be less stressed out - and able to spend more quality time with the people I love.
I would like to be strong enough to contribute more to meet the needs I see around me.
I would like to have the energy and focus to show the gratitude I feel for the friends and family who make my life so inspirational and special.

And as far as my part in this living - I would like to live a very long time and have many more adventures!

I do not want to be a contributing factor to limiting length of my life...

The "Constant" Illusion

The garden is slowing down. We will probably have a frost tonight, and, just like that, Autumn is here. There are a few tomatoes that need to turn red, a couple of eggplant and some carrots left to harvest. A couple of beds of peas waiting to be picked and shucked and canned or frozen. We just picked a few more small sugar pumpkins that will make delicious, delicious pie someday soon.

These little sugar pumpkins came up on their own this year

Firewood is stacked in the driveway, and after the last of the veggies are picked out of the garden and a cover crop of oats is sown, only winter remains. Winter is a natural time of reflection and I am doing a lot of soul searching lately, thinking of what really matters to me, what direction I want my life to take, what I value.

The job I go to every day is changing. Co-workers are leaving, the way I interact with accounts will be different. A piece of it all will stay the same, but much of it will be different. I feel emotional about this. In my day to day - I forgot that things don't stay the same.

I am grateful to be employed and grateful for as long as it lasts. Let's be real about the economy here...it isn't going well and many people are suffering - sometimes because they desperately need the necessities of survival, sometimes because they desire more than their share and more than what really would make them happy. This is for each person to work through, but I can tell you that my questions to myself are many.

Is this ______ necessary?
What do I truly need?
What is enough?
Am I appreciative and kind?
Do the people I love know how much I care about them?

There is an illusion that I buy into sometimes...that the things around me are constant and will never change. I think we, in general, can accept that children grow up and people age. Cars, houses and relationships break down at times and need repair.  But other times, we put blinders on and believe that situations - like our employment - are forever, that people will always be around and never die - that people will never hurt or disappoint us. Because I don't remember that life is constantly changing, when something major happens like death, divorce, unemployment or other accidents - I waste precious time adjusting and thinking about myself, rather than being prepared to help loved ones through those situations.

The blessing in this life is that it is constantly changing and yet, we often spend our days denying that change exists. People and situations flow in and out of our lives and if we are paying attention, there is something to learn from every one of them. My striving in the future will be to spend quality time with people and create memories. Money, people, things, jobs, cars, etc will enter and leave our lives many times - but memories are etched forever in our hearts and minds.

Every day dawns with the same potential for whatever adventure we choose!

Choose wisely and often and enjoy the ride!

Choose Your Adventure

I haven’t written much about my health, or the incredible amount of time I have spent in the past few years figuring out why I just don’t feel well most of the time.

Fibromyalgia, food allergies, environmental allergies, asthma, bronchitis, various intolerances, etc. – It doesn’t matter what the name is, I will do anything at this point to be healthy and alert enough to enjoy my life, family, and friends and be able write every day.

After spending most of the last week with a wicked headache and generally feeling bad, I went to the doctor expecting to be told I had the flu or some infection. As with most of my visits, there is “nothing” wrong.  We decided that it is time to be lactose free. No dairy products, not a big deal really because I get sick almost immediately after eating anything with dairy now.  We also discussed being wheat free/gluten free eventually, cutting down on coffee to see if that helps, and a variety of other things along that line.

Rob and I decided last night to change our menu at home to shop and cook differently and start cutting out both lactose and gluten. I want to have a change now.  Coffee, I can easily cut back to a cup in the morning and drink tea when I want something hot to drink during the day. I don’t have a negative reaction to coffee, but I have been having trouble sleeping, so I see this as a smart move. It may change later.

As I finished talking about cutting down on coffee, our mail was delivered and there was a package from my friend Meg in Oregon. She sent me some great teas and a card for my birthday. Not only did it make me smile to get such a thoughtful gift, it was as if I had an instant reinforcement of my decision to drink tea instead of coffee. Sometimes life's gifts need to be really clear for me to see them!

Rob and I also went out for lunch at The Boynton and after staring at the menu forever, I was going to get a salad with grilled chicken, but Rob said, “Why don’t we each get a salad and split the order of ribs?” Brilliant idea! It made what seems to be a whole menu of “no” into something fun. It was a delicious lunch, and before we came home I bought a canister of ginger and licorice tea at the Wine Vine. This will travel easily and I can have something refreshing in the afternoon at work.

Ribs

Looking back at past posts, I realized I have never written about gardening to fulfill my desire to have a greater local access to foods that I can eat without feeling sick. Last summer it was so amazing to walk outside and have beauty and food right in our yard, and it changed me emotionally and physically to have that access. Until that time, I hadn’t realized exactly how much I personally, need to work outside in nature and grow food and plants.

I am choosing to look at this time of changes as an adventure. I will be healthy and won’t be feeling sick all the time. That’s the goal, so the path has to line up with that goal. This process is not impossible, but it does require a good amount of research, time and effort.

Most of us have something like this in our lives – it takes a bit more work to figure out and more effort to work through, but in the end these efforts are the bigger things that change the direction and add to the quality of our lives.

Even if I don't enjoy all of the details of what is happening now, I know it can change. I also know from experience that small steps or running, you get to the same destination. Sometimes a slower trip is necessary.

So here's to today ! =)

Teas

Extra! Extra! Up for Sale

The day they installed the T&G Sign

Extra! Extra!

Google it. The New York Times is selling the New England Media Group: The Boston Globe and Telegram & Gazette.

I work for the Telegram. So last week of work and the next several months are unsure. 

There are things I am sure of, however.

The quality of the company I work for, and the quality of the job I do, are excellent. Whoever makes the purchase of the Telegram will be making a smart decision. 

Most people do not know my first exposure to the Telegram & Gazette.  When I was 10, my uncle Phillipe Boisclair was an editor and graphic artist for the Telegram. I went downtown to 20 Franklin St. when the presses were still there and got a tour of the whole building and of the newsroom. It was life changing for me as a kid.

I remember the bustling around that was just like in the movies. I wanted to work for the Telegram and be a writer. I was ten, and life had different things in mind for me. When I started working in Advertising in 2002, I was impressed with the company and the integrity of the people I worked with.

Everyone I talk to knows someone that works for, used to deliver papers for, or has/had a family member that works for the Telegram. It is an anchor and an icon for Central Massachusetts, and even though the building, the printing, the way we advertise has changed, the quality has not been compromised.

I have learned so much in the last 11 years of working in Classifieds and then in Inside Sales, and now in Multi-Media Advertising. Times are changing so quickly, and our website, www.telegram.com is an excellent website, advertising is changing to more and more digital and now something else is changing. 

I will happily work as long as I am needed. It could be stressful to not know the future, but when do we really know for sure about tomorrow?  We have today, and nothing else is guaranteed. So, even if my job were to end tomorrow, I would still be proud of the work I have done, the company I have worked for and grateful for all I have learned. I enjoy the people I work with, and the people I work for.

Times are changing.  Hold on for the ride! 

For the past couple of years we have spent so much time paying down debt, planting our garden, putting in new windows, cutting our expenses, deciding to go car-free, etc.  If at the end of this, I do not have employment, it will be okay. Really. That's a side effect of living a simpler and sustainable lifestyle. There isn't a lot of maintenance that needs to be done, and there aren't a lot of requirements. 

What can you change today that will lessen the stress for you in life tomorrow? It could be as simple as bringing lunches or coffee from home rather than spending out, taking the bus or carpooling instead of paying for gas, car maintenance or parking.

When you are ready for anything - it's all an adventure! 

Simple Happiness

Have you noticed that it is the simple things that make us happy?

For example, a really great cup of coffee, a conversation with a friend, a kindness from a stranger, or a connection to another person of any kind; it adds to our lives, it adds to us as people.

I am sitting watching the 300 lights on our Christmas tree. Some are blinking, some are solid, ALL are solar. At the end of each day, as night falls, there is this thing inside of me, childlike and pure that squeals with glee when the lights come on.

There are two sides to this – or more, if I am really honest about it. The child loves the lights and has forever wanted to see lights of every color blinking away during the holidays, or every day if possible; there is the adult who celebrates the fact that these lights cost nothing after they are purchased – no additional charge to the electric bill, and even the lights blinking away on the fence outside only require the power of the sun to bring the squeal of glee to that child inside.

This is a perfect time to reflect on the previous year and take the time to remember losses and reflect upon growth, to remember experiments and take note of future endeavors.  But really, all that matters is a good day’s work and to value the family and friends around me. There is never enough time to spend, or conversations to satisfy the desire to be close to the people we care about. What we have to do, is try our best and take advantage of every opportunity we have to connect. Each little action adds up, it creates a bridge to those we care about that sometimes months later will lead to a reunion and it is like time has not passed at all.

If there is any doubt in the minds of my family and friends, I treasure you with all of my heart. I am human and forget to show my feelings all the time, and I am not perfect and will make mistakes, but it never changes the fact of how much I love you.

You are the lights in my life all year long - that fill my heart with joy and make that child inside of me squeal with happiness at the visit of a family member, a chance to game with a friend, a meal or conversation shared.

You are the lights and inspiration and what spurs me on in the days that are difficult or trying and knowing that I am never alone. You are always with me, and the reason I can do everything I do, and strive to be better than I am.

I look forward to 2013 and the adventures we will have! <3