The "Constant" Illusion

The garden is slowing down. We will probably have a frost tonight, and, just like that, Autumn is here. There are a few tomatoes that need to turn red, a couple of eggplant and some carrots left to harvest. A couple of beds of peas waiting to be picked and shucked and canned or frozen. We just picked a few more small sugar pumpkins that will make delicious, delicious pie someday soon.

These little sugar pumpkins came up on their own this year

Firewood is stacked in the driveway, and after the last of the veggies are picked out of the garden and a cover crop of oats is sown, only winter remains. Winter is a natural time of reflection and I am doing a lot of soul searching lately, thinking of what really matters to me, what direction I want my life to take, what I value.

The job I go to every day is changing. Co-workers are leaving, the way I interact with accounts will be different. A piece of it all will stay the same, but much of it will be different. I feel emotional about this. In my day to day - I forgot that things don't stay the same.

I am grateful to be employed and grateful for as long as it lasts. Let's be real about the economy here...it isn't going well and many people are suffering - sometimes because they desperately need the necessities of survival, sometimes because they desire more than their share and more than what really would make them happy. This is for each person to work through, but I can tell you that my questions to myself are many.

Is this ______ necessary?
What do I truly need?
What is enough?
Am I appreciative and kind?
Do the people I love know how much I care about them?

There is an illusion that I buy into sometimes...that the things around me are constant and will never change. I think we, in general, can accept that children grow up and people age. Cars, houses and relationships break down at times and need repair.  But other times, we put blinders on and believe that situations - like our employment - are forever, that people will always be around and never die - that people will never hurt or disappoint us. Because I don't remember that life is constantly changing, when something major happens like death, divorce, unemployment or other accidents - I waste precious time adjusting and thinking about myself, rather than being prepared to help loved ones through those situations.

The blessing in this life is that it is constantly changing and yet, we often spend our days denying that change exists. People and situations flow in and out of our lives and if we are paying attention, there is something to learn from every one of them. My striving in the future will be to spend quality time with people and create memories. Money, people, things, jobs, cars, etc will enter and leave our lives many times - but memories are etched forever in our hearts and minds.

Every day dawns with the same potential for whatever adventure we choose!

Choose wisely and often and enjoy the ride!

Mental Sustainability

I spent four hours Sunday stripping leaves off branches and cutting branches into kindling.

Why? Because I could!

After spending week after week sitting still and not able to do anything in the yard or garden, I worked slowly, at a task that would not hurt me, at an enjoyable pace, and I discovered something about myself: this is what I could do every day.  Gardening, yard work, housekeeping, cooking, canning, all of it.  Every day.

In the past, when I thought of being sustainable – I would think of the basics: food, clothing, shelter, water, safety, etc.  When I sat for a while – I discovered that there is another aspect to sustainability that I didn’t fully understand:  Mental sustainability. There are things that are individual to each of us that we require to have a mental wellness.  For me:  the relationships around me of family, friends, neighbors, gardening and nature, contributing to a community, cultivating beauty and creativity, writing, music, seeing a value in the day to day work that I do and playing games and having fun.

For example, there is a happiness that occurs when I complete a task I enjoy:  huge stick pile + empty bucket + stripping the leaves and cutting up sticks = full bucket. Full bucket of kindling + Winter weather = fire starter for cooking and heat. The value of the small amounts of work equal a greater value in the end and result in comfort, heat and food for family and friends and a warm shelter during the storms, as well as a mental comfort and warmth that recharges me and helps me deal with the harshness that sometimes occurs in the world. There is something magical that happens around a hearth.

Another realization came to me this week.  Although there are some projects that need to be done around the house and garden, I need nothing. I was surprised to find that the mental wish list of random things has disappeared. I have enough.  I am not excluding the dream of one day owning more land and being able to have animals and a much larger garden. That is a family dream. For me, personally, I’m done. I have everything I need and, in fact, actually need less than I have.  The few things I do plan to buy in the next year are related to living with less and being sustainable. (bike, hiking shoes, some plants and gardening supplies, and books. Books to read and learn and pass on.)  In the past, when October hit, I would start the frenzy of holiday wish lists and shopping. I really love to give gifts and encourage people, but a lot of the time it seems to just add to a pile of things they already don’t have the time to use. I really enjoy giving and receiving gifts of consumable such as candles, wine, a meal, traveling together, something handmade. Something to create a memory and show another person they are remembered and loved. I am looking forward to being creative with these new ideas for the holidays this year. If we could only change our minds and habits, and instead give of ourselves and our time.

As I rode the bus to work today, I overheard a conversation between an older man and a younger mom with her child. Their discussion was about where they would be sleeping tonight. He would be behind a dumpster downtown, in a friend’s hallway, maybe a shelter, and the woman had a hotel room that she and her child were staying in for a little while to keep them off the streets.  Neither knew what they would be doing for the winter.

This conversation brought what matters most into very clear focus. The chaos of 8-5, which really means 7:15 -5:45 some days with the bus commute, traffic screaming around school buses, around corners and everything screaming around me, the pushing around of papers for 8 hours and the same chaotic trip home. Time passes quickly, without much meaning in a failing economy and goals that can’t be met.  I like my job and most of the people I work with, but at the end of the day – where is the full bucket? I am grateful to have work, when so many people don’t, but where is the cultivation of beauty and creativity?  The money I make is useful for providing for our family and things we need…but what if we just didn’t need all those things anymore? In the evenings I walk or sit in the garden and wish for a day of hard work that contributes to the world to make it better. We’re all in this together and we need each other and in the evenings I am often too tired to spend time the way I would choose. I do my best to make the experience of my job useful to the accounts I deal with and I believe that I get paid to contribute something of value to the company every day. I do this for myself, so I can look at myself in a mirror and be satisfied that – even if I am not living what I dream  – I am giving my best to this day and what I am doing now. I know now that this way is not mentally or physically sustainable for me.

However, the wind is changing, the fog is lifting, and my mind is clearer than it has ever been.

There is something in motion here that will take me to a new place. It already has begun to change me. I don’t know the exact path or where it will lead, but the direction I am facing now looks very different and it feels like home...

and home is a great place to be...

A Small Harvest

My Version of a Simple Wardrobe...

EDIT: I have eliminated more from my wardrobe now and will continue to donate things I don't wear as time goes on.


I looked at my closet again and decided to finish this project!!

I took out more clothing that I no longer like, doesn’t fit, is just old and out of style – or is just too much for one person to possibly wear…but for the rest of it - I was struggling with a guideline that would be reasonable and suit me personally.

How much is enough?

Being home affords time to think and sort and resort until I found something that works!

I have read many different blogs and strategies about paring down to a manageable wardrobe, and how I am dealing with this – for me – is to take the clothing downstairs that is still in good condition, sort it by fabric type and color and call it my fabric pile. I have several projects that I would like to do with fabric, and I am keeping clothes that are in good enough shape to work on those projects, crafts, gifts, etc.   Some will be made into scrap for cleaning / gardening projects and some will be donated. The first round of sorting was primarily thrown away because it was not salvageable. 

I have a variety of activities that I need different types of clothing for.

The main categories:

1.         Daily clothing:  other than office attire – only in excellent condition

2.         Gardening and hiking:  durable clothes that can handle those activities

3.         Sales work: dress clothing and suits

4.         Special Occasions:  Dates, Weddings, Parties, etc.

5.         Sleep and exercise

With these categories in mind, I decided that a week of each type of clothing would be a good place to start for an absolute maximum wardrobe.

This wardrobe also is not separated by season – my plan is to keep all of my wardrobe together and use as much of it as possible year round. This will be easier to keep track of clothes, with no dragging clothes from storage each season, and returning them when the season ends. It also prevents the stashes of clothing for "another time".  I would estimate, at this point, that I am at about 1/3 of what I had when I started sorting.

I also don’t use a bureau. Everything that needs to be, is hung in the closet and the rest is folded and stored in a 9-cube storage.

Some guidelines I have set for myself:

1.    Anything taken out of my wardrobe cannot be brought back in.

2.    If there is something I do not wear by the end of the year – I will get rid of it.

3.    New clothing: I will not be browsing for anything new. 

4.    If I do legitimately need something, I will be buying local and organic. ( this is something that I am currently researching. )

5.    If I receive clothing as a gift - it will replace something in my wardrobe.

This is what I chose for my wardrobe and with the guidelines I set for myself, each piece of clothing was truly looked at for value and use.

Tops:

7 Tank tops (layering in any season)

7 sleeveless tops

7 short sleeved casual shirts

7 Short sleeved dress shirts

7 long sleeved casual shirts

7 long sleeved dress shirts

7 Sweaters (5 pullover / 2 zippered)

Bottoms:

2 Blue Jeans

1 Black jean

7 Summer Pants (4 shorts / 3 Capri)

7 Casual Pants  (2 sweat / 2 fleece / 3 exercise)

7 Dress Pants (all similar style – 7 different colors)

4 Dresses

3 Skirts

4 Blazers

2 Four-piece suits (shell/skirt/pant/jacket)

7 Seasonal jackets:

Rain suit

Wind breaker

Winter coat

Summer coat

2 Fleece

long black sweater

7 PJ’s (Summer: nightgowns / short sets)

7 PJ’s (Winter: 2 piece sets)

Bathrobe

Bathing Suit & Cap

Winter Gloves & scarf

7 of each sock (nylon, dress, casual and sport/garden)

2 pairs of tights 

3 pairs of fleece slipper socks

Because I don’t want to be completely vulnerable or specific here, each of the types of undergarments (shaping, bras, underwear, and assorted lace and silk) were all represented and at 7 each.

Casual /Functional Shoes:

Brown Summer Sandal

Black Sneakers

White Sneakers

Sloggers garden boots & shoes

Work boots (hiking)

Snow boots

Slippers

Dress Shoes:

Mary Janes

Black heels

Silver Sandal

White Sandal

Black Sandal

Black dress boot

Brown dress boot

The emotional aspect of this paring down has been an interesting process for me. I found that I had feelings of attachment to certain things, a little guilt cropped up with the extent of wastefulness, a certain type of fear appears that there will not “be enough” if I let go of things, I saw the fruits of impulse shopping, found the hidden piles of clothing being held for a just in case situation (like fitting again). I was surprised that all of this emotion was attached to a few extra piles of clothes…

With the expense of clothing and fabric, etc., I really want to find a way to use what I have purchased and recycle it into something useful. So there is a changing in my mind of habit.  Instead of calling the clothes in storage part of my wardrobe, I am calling them fabric and keeping them separate. Instead of keeping things that don’t fit, I have purchased clothes that fit me now. As I continue to lose weight, I can replace them with new clothing that is in style and current.

I found what is enough for me. In reality – even with what "little" I have chosen, I would need many weeks to wear everything that I have in my closet. In this simplifying I am seeing how much we really have in our lives that is beautiful and useful. Pieces of clothing become special and have a purpose when they are looked at so specifically. I am so grateful to have had the resources to do what I want, but part of this process is seeing that this excess isn’t necessary and the stress for me in the upkeep, storage and disorganized state that it causes is not worth it. This doesn't even take into consideration the cost of energy wasted to produce and transport all of this.

This is what I wanted from this process – a change of mind – to change the way I think about things that have consumed so much time. Time is precious and should be spent in more valuable ways.

I want to continue paring down in the house and getting things in order and now I have a direction to go in…To live simply is the process of changing the entitlement – the having just for the sake of having – and becoming aware of how purchases and being a consumer are not separate and singular actions that happen in a void – but are instead part of the bigger picture of consumerism that I really do not want to participate in anymore.

When I was thinking of simplicity before – I hadn’t realized the stark, empty image it was creating in my mind. The reality is quite different. The empty space is beautiful and now I know that what I am searching for exists there…

All but a couple of things that are in the laundry.
I will be moving sweats to a cube so they are put away.

Folded clothing and sweaters in a bin on the side.
I will be adding 3 more cubes to keep all of the folded clothes in here.

An unexpected rest...

I went to the Podiatrist this week and until I see him again on August 10th, I can't go back to work. I'm in an air cast to immobilize my ankle - the injury was more serious than I realized and I recommend that if you are having any pain when you walk - please get it checked out rather than bearing with it like I did. I can handle or manage most things, but this had me in tears and I will do whatever I have to - to be able to have a regular day again without this cast.

So, this break has afforded me some time to think and remember some projects that I have been neglecting, and also to think past Summer to the coming Winter. We have put so much effort into building up and planting the garden that some time spent on the indoor projects is needed. I can't do a lot of moving around, but I can do research, sort through paperwork and do filing, and work on the story I have been writing.

Another question came to mind after reading one of my favorite blogs Choosing Voluntary Simplicity:  What is enough?  So I have been thinking that I love being in the garden because of the patterns, smells, small gatherings of plants and art, etc.  It has me thinking of what I would like the inside of the house to look like, and feel like - and I want it to be the same as the garden.  We have plenty of plants inside, so that is already part of the decorating. I would like to create a peaceful, relaxing, organized place to write and spend time with family and friends.

There are definitely things that need to be sold, or given away and much that needs to be organized. So during these weeks "off" I have a great opportunity to do a little each day to work toward this vision. I spent the past week filing, sorting through paperwork, setting up files and rediscovering poetry and stories and am inspired to continue on with writing. I am looking at each thing I come across for its value to me and if I cannot store it (holiday / seasonal ) and there is no place to display it - then it is time for it to be passed along to someone else. It is so surprising to me that even in our small home, so many little places exist that gather things that seem valuable at the time, but lay forgotten for so long. I have designated one table to be a gathering place for sentimental items from trips, small found objects and gifts.  This will be a better way to keep these special items in a place where I can enjoy them more often.

I am just beginning this process, but I have found that my "enough" would be a home that is simple, beautiful, energy efficient, sustainable, practical...where we use what we have, but have a place to store   a little extra if we need to weather some situation.

The personal process is one of stepping back from the cycle of consuming and seeing that I really have more than enough clothing, food, possessions, etc. I don't need more, and more than likely don't need all I have.

As in the article on Choosing Voluntary Simplicity  - I don't think the number of items really is the answer for me, but the quality of life is. I don't want to be consumed with the laundry, dishes, clutter, disorganized finding of things when needed...If I cannot handle the day to day of this - the only answer can be that it is too much.

I want my time to be spent on more meaningful things - like family and friends, writing, music, gardening, etc.  and as the process unfolds, and the clutter is dealt with - room for each of these things opens inside of the house, and inside of my mind...and an unexpected rest becomes an opportunity for so much more.

A beautiful yellow Nasturtium