Girls Don't Game or "Are you a girl IRL?"

Since I was a little girl, I have loved playing games. Hide and Seek, Freeze Tag, Hopscotch, jump rope and jacks, chinese checkers, scrabble and rummy. Weekends of Risk and Monopoly marathons gave way to weekends of D&D and now we game once a month with friends playing D&D in a Dark Sun campaign. I don't know how to explain that this is a big part of my social life, but it is. I truly love it. Sitting around a table role playing and writing a story is hard to explain to someone - unless they have been there.

Another type of game that I have played (for as long as we had a system to play on) is video games, but I was not as good at the spinning fast, shooting and stunts that a lot of console games required. I found Morrowind and wandered there for a couple of years and have since played computer games like Skyrim, Rift, Diablo, and World of Warcraft. These I also have really loved playing, but mostly World of Warcraft. I've played most of the classes and in the end, played primarily a druid named Staar. For several years I played most days/nights and met a lot of really great people - many of which I keep in touch with now outside of gaming. For eight years we have logged in at various times - weekday or weekend - and found a place where people who have a variety of backgrounds and employment, age and location have become a very real part of my "real" life - many of which I might have never met in person. As people have married, had children and been hired into new jobs, or started new careers, we have shared in this together. To me, it is not any stranger than a room full of people who physically work together becoming friends and sharing life's experiences with each other.

For our birthdays in March, we ordered statues of our characters from Figure Prints and mine came this week. It's printed by a 3D printer and each is a custom made replica of the characters we play in WoW.

So Staar arrived on Tuesday =)  I fully expect that Warcraft will end one day and I wanted to have something to remember the character I have played.  It's so cool, and I don't know if the pictures will do it justice...

I have been writing a fantasy novel and posting in two blogs, working full time and establishing a perennial garden that incorporates the principles of Permaculture, but when I relax, I play games.  On Saturday our D&D group will get together and play. I love these friends, and they have become family to me. When I have free time in the next week, I will play Warcraft, and when Warcraft is done, someday I will play the new Elder Scrolls Online.  Have you seen it??  It looks amazing.

Something I have not shared with many people was the deep depression I was in - barely leaving the house and trying desperately to figure out what direction I wanted for my life. It was then that Rob starting playing and convinced me to try playing Warcraft. I remember telling him I didn't think I would like it...but, it's been eight years now, so I guess I ended up liking it. I met people that talked to me about things I had similar interests in - and it was like a jolt of lightening - the world wasn't full of people who were crappy, negative and had nothing in common with me. Here was a gathering place of people had a lot in common with me, enjoyed each other and were super creative and fun to be around. Would it be dramatic to say I don't know where I would be if this hadn't happened?

Maybe it is, but I'm not apologizing for the drama. As every event in life has the power to do - gaming has changed me and made me a more creative person, writer, friend.


I think of many cultures that have passed down mythology and lore for generations through the process of storytelling, and I have the desire to build stories with other people, and gaming gives me this outlet. Whether in person or in a fantasy setting MMO like World of Warcraft, it is fun to game together, and what may once have been an escape has now become an enrichment of my life and I feel very fortunate to have met the people I have met. I have learned so much from them.

To the people I have continuously had in my life - in person or not -when the days come that I don't feel inspired, I remember you and your friendship - you are the fuel of my life - the inspiration and help I need when I don't have access to the place of storytelling.

We are all writing a story every day - I feel fortunate to share mine with you... <3

Simple Happiness

Have you noticed that it is the simple things that make us happy?

For example, a really great cup of coffee, a conversation with a friend, a kindness from a stranger, or a connection to another person of any kind; it adds to our lives, it adds to us as people.

I am sitting watching the 300 lights on our Christmas tree. Some are blinking, some are solid, ALL are solar. At the end of each day, as night falls, there is this thing inside of me, childlike and pure that squeals with glee when the lights come on.

There are two sides to this – or more, if I am really honest about it. The child loves the lights and has forever wanted to see lights of every color blinking away during the holidays, or every day if possible; there is the adult who celebrates the fact that these lights cost nothing after they are purchased – no additional charge to the electric bill, and even the lights blinking away on the fence outside only require the power of the sun to bring the squeal of glee to that child inside.

This is a perfect time to reflect on the previous year and take the time to remember losses and reflect upon growth, to remember experiments and take note of future endeavors.  But really, all that matters is a good day’s work and to value the family and friends around me. There is never enough time to spend, or conversations to satisfy the desire to be close to the people we care about. What we have to do, is try our best and take advantage of every opportunity we have to connect. Each little action adds up, it creates a bridge to those we care about that sometimes months later will lead to a reunion and it is like time has not passed at all.

If there is any doubt in the minds of my family and friends, I treasure you with all of my heart. I am human and forget to show my feelings all the time, and I am not perfect and will make mistakes, but it never changes the fact of how much I love you.

You are the lights in my life all year long - that fill my heart with joy and make that child inside of me squeal with happiness at the visit of a family member, a chance to game with a friend, a meal or conversation shared.

You are the lights and inspiration and what spurs me on in the days that are difficult or trying and knowing that I am never alone. You are always with me, and the reason I can do everything I do, and strive to be better than I am.

I look forward to 2013 and the adventures we will have! <3

Happy New Year!

This is what I wrote in our Christmas card this year and is my hope for everyone in the new year...

“With each year that passes, it becomes clearer

how much we treasure the people in our lives

and the memories that we share.

May your eyes be open to the miracles around you,

your ears hear music in the wind,

your feet always lead you to the home of a friend,

and your heart understand that you are loved.”

Small Treasures: Being Prepared

In the past few weeks, we have had Hurricane Sandy, winter storm Athena and yesterday around noon a water main broke that resulted in water for the whole city of Worcester being shut off last night while they worked on it. 

Amazingly, they worked through the night and it is fixed!

With each of these events, we gathered our “emergency” supplies together and checked flashlights, etc., charged everything up to 100% and waited. We were fortunate with the hurricane and the winter storm. The worst thing that happened was a long wait and a walk for me to get home from work. The city had so many accidents that schedules were off and some buses didn’t run.

The most noticeable change, for me personally, was a sense of security in knowing that we were prepared for most anything that could happen. We have some extra bottled water and food that is easy to prepare. I have a routine that is pretty quick when the news of an impending storm breaks, so I can have things together without much effort and not be stressed. We have wood for the stove, so we will be warm and can cook and none of us works far from home, so walking if needed isn’t an issue. If we had to leave home for an evacuation or disaster situation, our paperwork and “Go Bags” are ready with a few days of necessities.

At one time I would have thought that all of this preparation wasn’t necessary, as many people in New England also thought before these last couple of years. I find the comfort of being clear minded and ready for most any situation keeps the panic, impulsiveness, and fear of last minute chaos away.

I am not a “doomsday prepper”, I don’t have any thoughts of doom at all in what we are doing. We are just prepared in case we need to be. A couple of extra cans of soup or a case of water here and there when we shop for groceries is not inconvenient and we will use it should an emergency not arise, or a job is lost, or pay is reduced while I am out of work unexpectedly for 7 weeks (as I was this past Summer).

What I value most about these situations is the ability to keep as close to a normal day as possible without stress and having the calmness to prevent injury or accident that can sometimes happen in a hasty scramble at the last minute. We have all seen the tragic effects of Katrina, Irene, Sandy and the many other tornadoes, etc. of the past few years and I think it is just smart to gather important photos and documents together in a safe place (digital files too, if possible) and be able to continue on with life in the midst of an emergency. Honestly, it’s good to have the information together anyway, because everyday situations come up that require it.

One of the most helpful ideas I have ever read – was to think through and prepare for the worst case scenario – which for us would be evacuation and having to leave our home. If you prepare at that level and have a plan, paperwork, photos, small treasures, in order. Then when a storm comes, it’s just a matter of keeping a positive attitude. There isn’t any additional work needed. It’s already done.  

In the case of a large disaster like what has happened in New Jersey and New York with Hurricane Sandy…the Go Bag and getting your family to safety really is the only thing you can do. This is an individual decision and there are many different guidelines online if you need help planning a bag.  However, if in that bag you have important paperwork like birth certificates, marriage certificates, passports, financial information, etc. and you have copies of your favorite photos, some toiletries, a change of clothing, and some food and water, it won’t make the difficulty go away, but it will give you some comfort and strength in knowing that everything else can be replaced and what matters most is by your side. We each have a water proof bag with a few things in it that will get us through.

One thing that I thought of in planning is the small treasures that accumulate in our lives. One example for me is a little necklace I won for a story I wrote in 2^nd grade. It isn’t valuable to anyone but me, but I would take that with me. Photos of our family growing up would also be irreplaceable. Everyone’s small treasures are different. Something like this is a talisman to memories….which really are the treasures you keep with you. For children, a favorite blanket and toy keep something familiar, And for pets, a copy of rabies certificates and tags, as well as the things that will comfort them in a new place or during a power outage, etc. If you are prepared, once you and your family are safe, a little bit of home to comfort you will be necessary to gather the strength to rebuild.

The tie in, for me, to minimalism, living simply and with less, so loudly speaks to me here. I could easily gather the things of value to me and leave if I had to.  Once my family and dog are safe, there would be no thing in that house that I would die for.

Again, I find myself faced with the question of whether or not I want to work my whole life to just have more possessions when it seems that in the big picture of life, only the small treasures really matter...

Mental Sustainability

I spent four hours Sunday stripping leaves off branches and cutting branches into kindling.

Why? Because I could!

After spending week after week sitting still and not able to do anything in the yard or garden, I worked slowly, at a task that would not hurt me, at an enjoyable pace, and I discovered something about myself: this is what I could do every day.  Gardening, yard work, housekeeping, cooking, canning, all of it.  Every day.

In the past, when I thought of being sustainable – I would think of the basics: food, clothing, shelter, water, safety, etc.  When I sat for a while – I discovered that there is another aspect to sustainability that I didn’t fully understand:  Mental sustainability. There are things that are individual to each of us that we require to have a mental wellness.  For me:  the relationships around me of family, friends, neighbors, gardening and nature, contributing to a community, cultivating beauty and creativity, writing, music, seeing a value in the day to day work that I do and playing games and having fun.

For example, there is a happiness that occurs when I complete a task I enjoy:  huge stick pile + empty bucket + stripping the leaves and cutting up sticks = full bucket. Full bucket of kindling + Winter weather = fire starter for cooking and heat. The value of the small amounts of work equal a greater value in the end and result in comfort, heat and food for family and friends and a warm shelter during the storms, as well as a mental comfort and warmth that recharges me and helps me deal with the harshness that sometimes occurs in the world. There is something magical that happens around a hearth.

Another realization came to me this week.  Although there are some projects that need to be done around the house and garden, I need nothing. I was surprised to find that the mental wish list of random things has disappeared. I have enough.  I am not excluding the dream of one day owning more land and being able to have animals and a much larger garden. That is a family dream. For me, personally, I’m done. I have everything I need and, in fact, actually need less than I have.  The few things I do plan to buy in the next year are related to living with less and being sustainable. (bike, hiking shoes, some plants and gardening supplies, and books. Books to read and learn and pass on.)  In the past, when October hit, I would start the frenzy of holiday wish lists and shopping. I really love to give gifts and encourage people, but a lot of the time it seems to just add to a pile of things they already don’t have the time to use. I really enjoy giving and receiving gifts of consumable such as candles, wine, a meal, traveling together, something handmade. Something to create a memory and show another person they are remembered and loved. I am looking forward to being creative with these new ideas for the holidays this year. If we could only change our minds and habits, and instead give of ourselves and our time.

As I rode the bus to work today, I overheard a conversation between an older man and a younger mom with her child. Their discussion was about where they would be sleeping tonight. He would be behind a dumpster downtown, in a friend’s hallway, maybe a shelter, and the woman had a hotel room that she and her child were staying in for a little while to keep them off the streets.  Neither knew what they would be doing for the winter.

This conversation brought what matters most into very clear focus. The chaos of 8-5, which really means 7:15 -5:45 some days with the bus commute, traffic screaming around school buses, around corners and everything screaming around me, the pushing around of papers for 8 hours and the same chaotic trip home. Time passes quickly, without much meaning in a failing economy and goals that can’t be met.  I like my job and most of the people I work with, but at the end of the day – where is the full bucket? I am grateful to have work, when so many people don’t, but where is the cultivation of beauty and creativity?  The money I make is useful for providing for our family and things we need…but what if we just didn’t need all those things anymore? In the evenings I walk or sit in the garden and wish for a day of hard work that contributes to the world to make it better. We’re all in this together and we need each other and in the evenings I am often too tired to spend time the way I would choose. I do my best to make the experience of my job useful to the accounts I deal with and I believe that I get paid to contribute something of value to the company every day. I do this for myself, so I can look at myself in a mirror and be satisfied that – even if I am not living what I dream  – I am giving my best to this day and what I am doing now. I know now that this way is not mentally or physically sustainable for me.

However, the wind is changing, the fog is lifting, and my mind is clearer than it has ever been.

There is something in motion here that will take me to a new place. It already has begun to change me. I don’t know the exact path or where it will lead, but the direction I am facing now looks very different and it feels like home...

and home is a great place to be...

A Small Harvest